Fortitude - Stop Doing This if You Want Kids to Be Resilient

If you want a resilient child — one who can handle challenges, regulate emotions, and bounce back from setbacks — there’s one common parenting habit you must stop doing… and you probably don’t even realise you’re doing it.

It’s not yelling.

It’s not overpraising.

It’s not giving too many screens.

It’s rescuing them too quickly.

Look, it makes perfect sense.

No parent wants to see their child struggle, cry, panic, or feel overwhelmed.

We step in out of love… but modern parenting has unintentionally created a “comfort culture” in which kids rarely face the manageable daily challenges that build resilience.

It’s not your fault — the world conditions us to smooth every edge:

·       faster solutions

·       instant fixes

·       quick rewards

·       preventing disappointment

We live in a time where kids barely experience discomfort — which means their coping muscles aren’t getting a workout.

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to say out loud:

Children don’t become resilient because life is easy.

They become resilient because they learn they can handle life when it isn’t.

Resilience — Fortitude — grows from tolerable struggle, not avoidance.

Every time we rescue too quickly:

·       We interrupt the learning loop

·       We reduce the child’s tolerance for discomfort

·       We accidentally teach “Hard things are dangerous”

·       We shrink their confidence in their own capability

Fortitude develops when a child experiences:

Challenge → Effort → Progress → Pride

NOT:

Challenge → Meltdown → Rescue → Avoidance

Here’s how to stop over-rescuing without becoming harsh, cold, or unhelpful.

Harvard’s Centre on the Developing Child calls it “positive stress.”

These are small, everyday challenges that — with adult support — build the neural wiring for resilience.

Not rescuing creates:

·       stronger emotional regulation

·       increased stress tolerance

·       better problem-solving

·       lower long-term anxiety

·       healthier coping responses

Over-rescuing does the opposite. It “shrinks” the child’s stress tolerance, leaving them more fragile.

In other words:

Rescue them from danger, yes.

But don’t rescue them from growth.

Your child doesn’t need perfection.

They don’t need life to be smooth.

They don’t need everything to be easy.

They need you — your presence, your steadiness, your calm confidence that they can handle hard things.

You’re not abandoning them when you step back for a moment.

You’re strengthening them.

We build resilience not in the safety of perfection, but in the warmth of supported imperfection.

Today, try this one powerful question:

“What part do you think you can do on your own?”

It tells your child:

“I trust you.

You’re capable.

Hard things won’t break you — they’ll build you.”

And that belief is the birthplace of Fortitude.