Understanding - Why Understanding Is the Skill That Prevents Conflict Before It Starts
The Skill That Builds Peace
Most parenting struggles don’t begin with disobedience.
They begin with a misunderstanding.
A toddler who screams, hits, throws, or refuses is not trying to be “difficult.”
They’re communicating the only way they know how: “You don’t understand me.”
When emotions run high, parents often jump straight to correction.
Correction without understanding feels unsafe.
Uncomfortable children resist learning.
Understanding is the difference between a power struggle and a teachable moment.
Understanding means pausing, considering, and responding with clarity, not reaction.
It doesn’t mean approving of the behaviour.
It means recognising the emotion behind it—an essential first step for effective discipline.
⭐ Here are five ways parents, child care educators and teachers can help children have a better understanding.
1. Name the feeling before addressing the behaviour.
“You’re frustrated because the block tower fell.” Then guide the next steps.2. Slow your response
A calm pause signals safety and models regulation.3. Ask instead of assuming.
“Can you show me what you wanted?”4. Translate emotion into language.
Giving words builds emotional intelligence and reduces overwhelm.5. Validate without removing limits
“I understand you’re angry. I still won’t let you hit.”
Neuroscience shows that children calm down faster when their emotions are acknowledged.
Feeling understood lowers stress and increases cooperation.
Understanding isn’t about getting it right every time.
It’s about being willing to see your child, even when behaviour is messy.
This week, aim to understand first, correct second.
That simple shift prevents many conflicts before they even begin.
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About Trish Corbett
Passionate about helping new parents by sharing what she wishes she had known as a young parent so they can raise their children with clarity, confidence and values.
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